Interview with a Mantis
by Silvolf
Summary: The Unofficial Zorak interview by me, Silvolf! Actually this is just a bit of fun, I wanted to write as Zorak and this was my chance. Enjoy! Yes I am his biggest fan!


**Interview with a Mantis  
****The unofficial Zorak interview**

Silvolf here, the interviewer (or crazy fan, whichever you prefer) who will be interviewing everyone's favourite 7 foot tall space mantis today! In case you don't know who the grik I am on about, why are you reading this? If you want to know though, Zorak is one of the stars of the 60s series called Space Ghost. In it he was an evil genius super villain, the most feared of all Space Ghost's enemies and the most dangerous.  
After that he went on to star in the spin-off of the series, Space Ghost Coast to Coast along with Space Ghost and Moltar. He was also a star of Cartoon Planet and The Brak Show. So now you know! On with the interview…

**Zorak: **Yeah enough with the introductions already, I was fallin' asleep here. Sheesh. I think people know who I am; else they wouldn't be reading this crap.

**Silvolf: **Er, yeah… Anywho, on with the first question. What have you been up to since you were in The Brak Show?

**Zorak: **What have I been up to? What HAVEN'T I been up to? I blew all my cash on stuff like fast cars, which I crashed, big houses, which I trashed and lotsa expensive records…

**Silvolf: **Which you smashed?

**Zorak: **How'd you guess? Heheh. Seriously, I did blow all my cash so I'm pretty much broke now, looking for a job. I heard they might need me to do a bit of recording for a Brak radio show or something like that. That'd be fun I guess. So long as Brak's Mom is there heheh.

**Silvolf: **What was it like working with Space Ghost, Moltar and Brak?

**Zorak: **You mean on Coast to Coast? Well, workin' with my old buddy Moltar was fun although I think he'd lost his edge somewhat. I mean, he's settled down with a wife now. If yer an evil villain, you don't do stuff like that. He's gone soft. Sorry Moltar if you read this but it's true. Actually I'm not sorry at all! Mwahahahahaaa!! An' if you gotta problem with that you can come here and say it to my face. Anyway, as for Space Ghost I hated working with him. Then I found out he gets annoyed easily so that was fun.

**Silvolf: **Yeah but he zapped you when he got pissed off with you.

**Zorak: **Actually I got used to that. Sometimes I'd wind him up just so he'd zap me. It kinda helped wake me up ya know? Gave me a tingly feeling. So long as he didn't do it so much that I didn't have time to regenerate like he did that one time. I hid inside my keyboard and he thought he'd killed me. That was a laugh!  
As for working with Brak, well he's so stupid I could get him to run around waiting on me. Brak! Get me a coffee! Brak! Go make me a sammich! Brak! Go kick yerself in the head! Heheh, he's so gullible. He thinks of me as a friend but I kinda think of him as a free meal ticket and someone I can boss around. Ehh, he can't defend himself so there's no challenge in bossing him about which in most ways is good. I had real fun on The Brak Show. Brak's Dad was pretty cool for interesting conversations. He also lied a lot. I loved pissing Thundercleese off; that was a laugh. And then there was Brak's Mom. Heheh, I actually did end up getting hot with her backstage one time.

**Silvolf: **I'm very jealous_ (laughs)_

**Zorak: **Oh really? Well maybe later we could….ya know…if yer up for it_ (he winks)_

**Silvolf:** _(blush)_ Ahem, anyway, next question. What's with your hatred of Lokar?

**Zorak: **Glad you asked that! Lokar as you may have noticed, is a locust. I used to be confused with locusts all the time way back in the first season of Coast to Coast. If you look back at the original 60s series, Lokar and I were completely different races. Him, the locusts and I, the mantids. It really insulted me that they kept getting me confused with the species of a guy I hated. Our hatred goes back to the Council of Doom and how he kept whining that my plans were crap and laughing when I failed at them. I nearly killed him back then but I thought no I'll keep him alive and get on his nerves, make him suffer. But the way he always insults me really bugs me. Calling me primitive and an arachnid. But look at him! He can't even fight. He quivers at the sight of blood and basically he's a stuck up snob who's just kidding himself that he can be a super villain. Hey, if there are actually any Lokar fans out there I'd like to hear why exactly they like him. I personally hate his guts and always will.

**Silvolf: **Do you ever get homesick?

**Zorak: **Hmm…not really. Yeah I'd like to go back home but I should think most of my family has been devoured by now. Besides right now, I have no way to get back there anyway. Space Ghost is the only one with a ship at the moment and he aint even in this country. I think he's in Barbados or somewhere, being a fat lazy slob.

**Silvolf: **What do you think of your fans?

**Zorak: **I HATE 'EM!! Nah, just kidding, they're ok. I don't really like the crazy stalkers though but they do taste nice. Yeah, if you stalk me, yer gonna end up as my dinner, so don't. For your sake.

**Silvolf:**_ (swallows)_

**Zorak: **Autograph signings are always amusing. Some of them ask me to write stuff or somehow personalise the signing. I'll say now, my spelling is crap. I've gotten used to writing in your language but I still struggle with it sometimes. Hmm…that reminds me, no one's ever asked me to sign an autograph in my own native language.

**Silvolf: **You can do one for me if you like!

**Zorak: **Awright, ya got a bit of paper?

**Silvolf:** _(hands him paper and gets an autograph back in a funny scrawly symbol kind of writing)_ Neat! Thanks!

**Zorak: **No problem. Yeah, anyway, the fans are ok. I get noticed in the street quite a lot but not so much in between shows. Like, ya know I'm not on TV much right now, there are no seasons being done of any of my shows so people don't notice me much. Fans tend to come out when there are fresh new seasons on TV.

**Silvolf: **Do you like your female fans? I think a lot of girls probably wonder if you're taken. So, are you?

**Zorak: **You mean YOU wonder if I'm taken. Heheh, I knew you'd go on to this question. The answer is no. I'm not. I'm a bit of a swinger myself, I don't stay with one girl for very long, I get bored easily. I love my female fans! Especially the sexy ones. I'm not so keen on the crazy follow me around everywhere asking dumb questions yelling wow you're Zorak! Kind of females though. And I hate the geeky ones. I do however like the ones who know how to press the right buttons and actually _bother _to find out what I like as opposed to just getting with me cos I'm famous.

**Silvolf: **Ah, you mean the ones who genuinely like you, who take time to get to know you and want to spend time with you to chat about stuff and ask intelligent questions. Who have a secret crush on you…

**Zorak: **Yeah those ones…it's creepy how you knew that.

**Silvolf:** _(carrying on)_ Who want to see you nake…umm…yeah, ok_ (blush)_

**Zorak: **Bet you were overjoyed you got to interview me weren't you…honey?_ (snigger)_

**Silvolf:**_ (goes redder)_ Umm..yeah

_(Zorak laughs)_

**Silvolf: **Anyway, umm…what do you do in your spare time?

**Zorak: **Is this a general interview or are you trying to _get to know me better_?

**Silvolf: **It's a question. Cos the fans would be interested to know.

**Zorak:**_ (smirking)_ Riiiighhht. Well, in my spare time I like to break stuff. Go around blowing things up and not getting caught. It's great having a weapon with unlimited ammo. My Matter Intensifier can even shoot through glass without breaking it and hit things on the other side, makes for good window sniping without bothering to open the window. I also like bugging Thundercleese if he's in the area and I used to piss Space Ghost off. It was fun to sneak in his house and move things around. He'd think he was going mad! I swiped a lot of his stuff too at one point. Then once he realised it had gone, I put some of it back. Only in a different place. Then I smashed his TV. So he got a new one and I smashed that one too. So yeah, I have quite a few interestingly destructive hobbies in my spare time.

**Silvolf: **What was it like in the Omegan prison?

**Zorak: **Boring. I mean really boring. I mean, you try sitting in a cell 24 hours a day with only a short time out to do "creative" things. I shared a cell with Brak. I was bought in after him. I thought it would be cool to plot some way of escaping with him. Then I found out he'd got partially lobotomised on his way to the prison due to something that had malfunctioned in his jail pod. You see, dangerous prisoners are knocked out on their way to the Omegan prison. But in Brak's pod, it seemed something had gone wrong. So instead of just him getting knocked out, it also fried his brain. So I greeted him and he just looked at me and yelled "Hi, my name is Brak!!" And I thought, great I have to spend my prison time with this moron. There was only one bed in our cell and guess who ended up sleeping on the floor? Yep, Brak! Mwahahahahaaa! Not that he really cared. He was just happy he made me happy. And that was the start of his slave days! I'd get him to run errands and all sorts of stuff for me. Heheh. But I had better times with Moltar. He was in the cell opposite us. At least he was still evil.

**Silvolf: **Are you still friends with Brak or hear from the others much?

**Zorak: **Get this straight. I was NEVER friends with Brak. I just used him and pretended to be his friend. But he does text me sometimes. He always says something stupid and pointless. And he phones me up and yells I'm on the phone! Can you hear me? I can hear you! Stupid idiot.

**Silvolf: **I think Brak would be very upset if he read what you said about him.

**Zorak: **So? I'm evil, remember? I'm still in touch with Moltar and Space Jerk. Although I just annoy Space Jerk.

**Silvolf: **Tell us about The Original Way Outs!

**Zorak: **Ah yes, my old band. Those guys rocked. There was The Sorcerer on trumpet, Christy on drums, Owlie on electric guitar and me on keyboard. I'm still in touch with Owlie but the others all went their separate ways and into other musically themed things. We used to play poker a lot. The Sorcerer was great at that. I cheated of course so I always won. Christy always lost. He could never get the hang of the English language so he never said much. When he did speak, he kinda howled. Actually we're thinkin' about getting' back together for a reunion gig at some point. I can't promise that will happen but Owlie's still in touch with the others and he's lookin' into it. It would be fun though.

**Silvolf: **Sounds great! Think you'd be interested in releasing a single?

**Zorak: **Nope. We're not into that kinda fame. See, give the people what they want and they soon forget about ya. But, keep it from them and they're dying to hear you play cos they can't hear it any other way. And that guarantees they'll be at the gig!

**Silvolf: **Ooh, smart move!

**Zorak: **'s all thinkin' ya know!

**Silvolf: **Here's a more personal question. You have wings. Can you actually fly?

**Zorak: **_That's _personal?? I thought you were gonna ask me how long my…actually ferget it, I don't wanna give you any ideas. Yeah, I can fly. I'm generally just either too lazy or don't have the space to do it. Plus I have four wings, I need to spread them out ya know? But when you see me jump into the picture from somewhere off screen, that's me landing. I can also jump pretty high.

**Silvolf: **Another personal one, but not too personal_ (laughs)_ How old are you really?

**Zorak: **Really? I'm 40. In Earth years. Since we're on this planet, that's _really _my age. Here anyway.

**Silvolf: **I meant on YOUR home planet.

**Zorak: **Dokar? Oh, I'm about in my 20s there.

**Silvolf: **Ok, that's a big difference…

**Zorak: **Yeah well, ya see one of my planet's years equals about three of yours or there abouts. Time passes way too fast here on Earth.

**Silvolf: **Tell me about it. This interview is almost over, only one more question to go.

**Zorak: **Spill it then.

**Silvolf: **Do you have any plans for the future?

**Zorak: **Yeah I hope to get my own show, Blood Dumpster up and running. Most networks won't take it cos it's too violent though. Stupid censoring crap! Ruining my evil fun! So I'm setting up my own production company, Mantis Movies Inc. and doing it that way. Course, it could still all fall through, who knows?

**Silvolf: **Well I for one would love to see it on air!

**Zorak: **Ooh, it has a fan already. So is that it?

**Silvolf: **One more question…would you go on a date with me?

**Zorak: **Ooh, I NEVER saw that coming_ (rolls eyes)_ Yeah sure, if yer free tonight…

**Silvolf: **I…huh? You will!_ (swoon)_ Thank you!!!

**Zorak: **Yer buying dinner though. And maybe afterwards we could go somewhere more…private?

**Silvolf: **I thought rabid fan girls annoyed you…

**Zorak: **Ehh, well, at least you bother to get to know me, who I actually am and what I like and stuff.

**Silvolf: **Well it _was_ an interview but that's good enough for me!

**Zorak: **C'mon then, let's blow this joint….literally! _(starts blasting things up with his Matter Intensifier he seems to have pulled from nowhere)_

**Silvolf: **Well, that was your interview and I got a hot date so that just about wraps things up. Thanks for reading folks!


End file.
